Suicide: Thoughts of a Young Man; “You just want to get it over with and die”

By: LESTER TAGA CAPAS
 
There is no feeling quite like watching yourself slowly go crazy.

Clasping your chest and looking at your surroundings in fear, panting, heavy breathing, cold sweats, shivering, whimpering, mumbling and doing your best to keep your eyes open because you're afraid that if you close them they won't open again.

Image credit: popularsocialscience.com

Whispering to yourself in a corner, trying hard to remember your fragile hopes, dreams and ambitions.

Reminding yourself of the things that make you happy but they slip away anyway. Hitting yourself in the head as hard as you can so you won't forget your name. Hearing the beat of your heart and knowing it's not happy.

Retreating to the edge of your bed hoping no one will hurt you. Looking for a safe place but not even feeling safe in what should be your home.

Clawing at the wall, praying, hoping someone will hear you. Running away without a place to go, wishing you were anywhere but there.

Walking but feeling like you're standing in place. The worst part is realizing no one can understand you, not even yourself and the people you thought would help you are leaving you at your enemy's hands.

Then one day you wake up from a bad dream only to realize that waking up was walking into a nightmare. Because there is no nightmare quite like being in hell but having no place to find respite.

Then you end up hating life and lose a taste for the pleasures of living. Then you realize you just want to get it over with and die.

So you try it, but then you realize it is not you who deserves to die, it is the demons that brought you to such a low state who need to be punished.

You survive, damaged but alive. Swearing never again to be oppressed by the same foul creatures.

Suicide is never the answer, for the things you find too grave to forgive; just let them go and live your life.

Quotable Quotes (Thoughts) on Life and Love

By: Lester Taga Capas

Of what use is your intelligence and logic if your heart is not at peace? Before you seek any knowledge, find first your inner peace. Otherwise, your search for knowledge and fulfilment will be troublesome and barren. Leaving only room for disappointment and pain. Learn from the mistakes of others, but don't be afraid to learn new things for yourself. 

Life as they say is short, but for one who lives it in peace, it is long enough to satisfy the longing of the spirit.

It is a cruel form of self-torture to love someone who would not care if you died tonight. Not only is it futile and masochistic to keep holding on to someone who doesn't love you, it is insane. Your misplaced sense of sympathy and affection will bring you only pain. 

Worth it? Give yourself a good slap on the face and tell yourself that it is worth it. The first person you should love is yourself. Unless you love yourself you can never truly love anyone else. Not everyone is worth it and instead of wasting time and love on the wrong person, learn to give it to someone else. 

Give yourself a chance to find someone more deserving of your love because you only live once and wasting it on the wrong person is the biggest mistake you will ever make

Thoughts and Quotes on Christianity and Life

By LESTER TAGA CAPAS

All because someone says Hallelujah and praise the lord, it doesn't make them good people. The works of your hands are the witness to whether or not you are truly good or bad. What use is it to the lord to be praised by one who does the work of the devil? 

To do good with a humble heart is to praise the lord with a song louder than the booming sound of thunder. Do not be Christian only by name and baptism. At your confirmation you swore to renounce the devil and all his works... Make good on your word or you are fooling no one else but yourself.

There is little room in heaven for a Laodicea spirit. You are either Hot or you are cold, none in between.

The heart breaks only for so long. It's standing on the broken pieces that hurt and keep you from moving on. Taking a step forward with broken pieces on your heels is painful. But the more you move forward, the less pain you take with you and the bigger chances you have of meeting someone new to love.

There's nothing wrong with letting people know when you've done good. However, if you are doing well for the sake of boasting, that is a different story. Don't you think it makes you a haughty jackass to make huge tarpaulins with a giant image of yourself? When in fact, you are wasting the people's money on stupid projects with a ridiculously big budget and kickback? 

If you mark relief goods with your name and symbol even if the goods were paid for by someone else, then you are one thick skinned idiot who is likely scheduled for a date with the devil when you die ... Kindly read Matthew 6:1-10, doing good requires humility....Even Jesus never boasted about his good deeds...in fact... in many occasions he would even tell the people he helped not to tell anyone about it...Doing good rightly is doing it with humility.

Poetry: Remembering Love

Remembering love that month of May,

when robins sang their merry way.

We danced and waltzed into the night.

In delightful pleasure, we took flight.

We vowed our love will last forever,

Amidst the rain, storm and thunder.

Our hugs were tight and unrelenting,

We wished the night was never-ending.

But, alas! You have to travel far away,

To foreign lands and work all day.

Your memories will hover like a dove,

Inside my head, remembering love.

Poetry, In Memory of a Loved one

The moon, the sun, the star,

ablaze in the sky, from afar,

shining in the air up above,

in memory of the one I love.

The palm, the tree, the flower,

they whistle, they sway, they prosper,

Wafting through the glade, undone,

in memory of a loved one.

You are my world, my night, my day.

The color of my new mown hay.

You are my soul, my mind, my dove,

in memory of the one I love.

Image credit: Lydia Ballog/Cioux

Quotes on Love, Life and Religion

By: LESTER TAGA CAPAS

 “Love isn't a tree that magically appears it is a seed that needs to planted, nurtured, cared for and frankly people are better at chopping trees down.”

“People should live long enough to suffer for their sins and realize their mistakes. Death is the easy way out and the coward's exit.”

Sagada Mountains, Image credit: Cioux Casala

“If you are going to establish your religion by targeting and pointing out the errors of other faiths you are better off raising a chick for cock fights. There's a reason why the Catholic faith does not hit back at other denominations attempting to smear mud upon it. It's because the faith believes in Love and turning the other cheek. I just wish more Catholics spent time actually listening to the Gospel, reading the holy book and trying to live the word in their life. It's sad to see that there are a lot of people who turn from the faith because they feel spiritually starved. You won't starve if you have the initiative to learn and understand what your faith is about. Don't limit yourself to just attending mass every Sunday. Your busy schedule should never be too busy for the one who gave you time to live in the first place.”

“Give the key to your happiness to someone else and they'll forget they even had it. Give the key to your happiness to the lord, you will see everything you had ever gone through was worth it.”

“Some people will repay your love but some people will leave you with a hurting heart and a sack of broken promises.”

“Sometimes, in trying to fix the hole in the hearts of other people by pouring out your love for them, you end up draining yourself and lose sight of who you are in the process.”

“A pretty face isn't of much use, unless you are joining a pageant, attracting people's attention /drawing their admiration or finding a potential mate. It's easy to damage those delicate faces , a single scratch across the cheek and it dampens their appeal. A good attitude however is harder to crush especially when the person is patient. Aside from which it makes the atmosphere feel better and people stay with you longer.”

“Most of the time, smart people speak plainly and put things on a level you can understand.” “Idiots make no sense in attempting to make things sound smart and complicated.”

“Just because you're not getting love from the person you want it to come from, it doesn't mean you're not getting any. Sometimes people forget how much care and affection they are actually getting when it's not coming from the person they love most.”

“You never really know who's happy with their life and who's getting ready to call it quits. One moment you're talking to someone, the next they're in a box.”

Quotes on Life and Love

By: LESTER TAGA CAPAS

Life isn't about choices, having more money than some else or who gets the trophy and who ranks more, life is just being happy enough to want to live the next day.

On their way home from Sunday service a pastor and a tired office worker sat together at the terminal seat, waiting for a jeepney.

Lifting the soda can from his mouth the pastor blessed a passing beggar and noticed the office worker digging deep into his pocket.

Giving a single coin to the beggar. Pastor: That beggar is dying of hunger and you gave him a single coin?

Brother, remember the lesson about giving what you have? Office worker: Well sir, at least he doesn't have a vulgar and irritable boss breathing down his throat every day; water bills, electric bills, taxes, customers to satisfy.

All-nighters with no sleep but work the next day.

Debts, five children, pesky in laws a nagging wife who thinks you're cheating on her when in fact you're killing yourself just to make sure your children have something to eat.

Saying sorry to your daughter because you can't afford to send her to school. Slowly going crazy just trying to make ends meet and passing out because you haven't eaten but need to work. How does your soda taste?

I don't know because I can't even afford the full ride home. I have to get down halfway and walk the rest of the road on my tired legs. I don't see you dropping a single coin? Shall I give the beggar all my problems because that is all I have?

"Don't judge the way other people are trying to help regardless of your status in life. You never know how much other people are actually giving because you are not them. You are free to preach but not to judge."