By:
Why Bee
Have you ever had nights when you want to write the saddest things, listen to the most depressing songs and just get things out of your chest? When it rains they say it pours, but what do you do when there is no shelter from that rain? Who do you turn to when there is nothing left? What do you do when the people you rely on the most are gone and the rain won't stop pouring?
I was confined for a whole week at a Hospital in my home province. I had pneumonia and Pulmonary edema it was nothing compared to the situation my Ward-mates had. Over the course of my long and uncomfortable stay, I shared the ward with many a sick people. Many of who had perpetually sad eyes and equally downing stories. One man I shared the room with was suffering from stomach aches saying he hasn't defecated in four days. The doctors were going to look into him which would cost a lot of money.
He was a lonely middle-aged man from Matatalaib in Tarlac, his Ex-Wife came by to see him and so did some of his children. One as I recall came all the way from La Union, she was a Lesbian and didn't seem to have much concern, then again, who am I to judge anyone? Instead of cheering him up, one of his children asked him "Do you have money to pay for your operation?". Apparently, he didn't have any insurance. "I have money at the bank!" He answered bitterly. They exchanged a short and seemingly heated conversation. I was thinking to myself. One day, when I have kids, how should I treat them that I won't one day end up like that poor man. He spent most of the time alone in pain without much comfort from family or friends.
I wanted to ask him how he ended up in his situation, broken family and all, but I thought it would be intruding into his private life. At that time there was but two of us in the ward. My younger sibling caught a fever so my mother had to go home and I spent nights alone at the hospital that way I didn't have anyone to tell me not to stand up or walk around too much so I got to chat with my Ward-Mates. There was only one bed in our midst and from where I was he seemed like he had the world on his shoulders. I politely inquired how much he estimated the stay would cost him all in all, I recall him saying something at above P.25, 000. I wanted to ask him who would shoulder his expenses but from where I stood and based on what his children said to him the night before, It doesn't take a smart person to know he was pretty much on his own.
I felt sorry for him, as he was being taken to the ICU a lonely man, I don't recall seeing him again, I sort of wish I had the right words to say then and there to somehow ease his pain, but there are things we just can't do for other people. My youngest ward mate was around 19 years old, he met an accident with his elder cousin and friend, he seemed happy though, having many visitors and support from his family. It was relieving to see new blood in the ward. With the amount of old people I had as company, I was beginning to feel ancient.
He didn't stay for that long though, it was just about three days. I had returned to a lonely state with no one to talk to. I was tormented by such boredom that I resorted to playing Solitaire on a deck of cards I asked my mom to buy before leaving me at the hospital. I do not want to play solitaire again! the mere thought of shuffling the cards gives me head-aches.
I experienced relatives crying over a patient who's in a really tight situation. There was a Diabetic who needed emergency dialysis, his mother was crying and I felt a bit nervous for him. The lights went out because of a power-out, this was cause for equipment to stop working for some time although there were generators. Apparently, that short amount of time was all it took to put him in a grievous situation. I was rather lonely too. I had no one visiting me but at least I realized that other people around me had far bigger reasons to grieve and feel bad. They took the patient to the Intensive Care Unit and this time I was alone in the Ward.
It usually rained during my stay at the hospital. I felt sleepy most of the time, I had a lot of antibiotics and painful medication injected into my body. The next person transferred into the ward had Arthritis and needed Dialysis too. His relatives were fun people, I had such a good time with them, sharing stories, I recall the patient being a member of the Cabildo family. Not that I'm a sadist but It felt really funny to see how he seemed like someone with either Narcolepsy or Hypersomnia. The Nurses would extract blood from his veins and he'd fall asleep in between extractions. He even asked the nurses for their names and his wife said "What? You can still recognize beautiful girls in your state??" She laughs it off and so do the nurses.
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| Image credit: Annie Trinidad |
After his Dialysis, he wanted to sit so his wife helped him up, but he didn't make it to the chair and instead sat on the floor, he looked so relieved and relaxed that the request was to be left there despite the nurses and Doctor's urging to help him up. They were such a sweet couple that I forgot how I was alone in the first place. Shortly after I was released from the hospital. I learned that no matter how out of place I may feel,humans have and adaptive trait that allows us to survive wherever we are or whoever we are with at that point in time. I learned that the world isn't on our shoulders to bear, a lot of people have bigger problems than I and I'm alive, that in itself, is an umbrella in the unending rain - the will to live on doesn't have to come from other people as long as we know how to save love for ourselves.
