(bianophobic.tumblr.com)
Nine hours, two minutes in the evening of November 10. One of the most confusing nights that headlines my life. Thoughts, oblique thoughts penetrate my mind.
Why do I feel this way? What does my mind contain? Will I make it through?
Puzzled, I see myself plunging into a pool of ignorance and disgrace. Yes, from the simplest things, like failing to notice a person seated beside me or a thing placed in front of me. Paying attention sometimes makes me want to chew up the scenery. Ham-fisted, I am known to screw things up. Covered in shame, in those difficult times, I just want to run away. I have to run away.
For a moment or two, there were a lot of people, whose opinions matter so much, that everything they would say will always be a great deal. You know, people who just do all the talking while I do the listening. Most of the time, I surprisingly find both of my arms suspended on a string, being controlled by ever-demanding people. And I just despise how I once admired them.
Looking on the brighter side, being bamboozled by people you love and you don’t will surely make you be more cautious, may they be trustworthy, unfailing, concerned, good listeners or just good speakers. It has been another puzzling day for me. Here I go again, seeing myself, plunging into a pool of ignorance and disgrace. This is not how it ought to be. This is not how they thought it would be. This is how it should be.
