The Wanderer

Damn that airline, service was so slow. Now she was running late!  For the first time in her life, Ann swore.

She stormed through the house and ran all the way to the bedroom. She was fervently praying Allan was still there. But as she flung the door open, the eerie stillness of the room greeted her. Allan was gone. On the side table was a letter with her name on it. Allan's powerful strokes stared back at her, begging her to open it quickly.

Ann - her hands trembling - slowly unfolded the letter ...

My Darling,

You know, I have not been fair to you in some of the things I have said. I'm sorry, please forgive me. I LOVE YOU. My life made me so negative that I stopped believing in everything. I began to think the worst first, always. I lost faith in human beings. Just lost faith. Even in my self.

Then you came and I fell in love with you and I could not believe  that I could actually feel this way. I can't stop thinking of you. You know my habit of tearing up things I write also applies to everything else, I jsut tear, delete or drop things in life just like that and not even look back.  Not a good thing to do.

Now you are there and I still keep thinking that it's not possible that after so much, someone has come who actually loves me. I hope you are following and not over reading like I also do, imagining things that are not there.

I suppose I am really plain dumb. I keep getting negative thoughts and imagining things.

I know that if I lose this love there will never be another chance for me.  I can't let that happen.

I did not sleep well last night. Went for a ride then came back and slept. Got up at around 12 and read your message. It was early when you had sent it. Were you still awake?  So I started thinking  she must have been awake on the computer . See, how negatively I start thinking. 

When I saw that the message you sent was early I immediately thought she did not even sleep she was still at the comp. I am giving you an example of what is ahppening to me, thinking all sorts of things. I don't know why, I have never been like this. You were still on the computer after we finished talking that means you were talking to someone and that means she does not really love me. This is what is happening to my mind. All kinds of scenarios.

I guess this all stems from my loss of faith in everything around me and even though I know that I love you I keep thinking she cannot love me too, that it is not possible for anyone to love me. Like how can anyone love a crackpot, like that.

I feel sad and happy at the same time. One minute believing and the next not believing, that it can't be. It's a dream. A fairytale.

I LOVE YOU ANN!

Love you,

will you love me always,

like I love you,

or will you just disappear like a dream?

Allan

TO BE CONTINUED...